The fact I haven't heard from the new guidance counsellor on the block leads me to believe that the world will never realize the importance next year holds to me. Instead of following the paths laid out for me, I seem to be building my own concrete road...crushing everything in it's path, including the serene and hopeful orchids like F.
This week was yet again a countdown towards the next holidays, yet I ask myself more and more the question "Do I mean anything to these children I teach French?"....in my warped mind I forged a thousand different ideas to please, but the ideas seem to falter under my steadfast frame of mind...which again and again makes me wonder whether I shouldn't just follow the direction I'm currently in, instead of taking Thor's hammer and slamming it into my own head.
These days I find myself more frustrated than usual towards people who refuse to acknowledge my greatness. One of the many things I cannot discuss with others, because they naturally perceive it as pure arrogance from my part. It's always been a constant that whenever a person makes a innocent jokes relating to my looks, my intelligence, or even my language proficiency level, I tend to force that person into defending himself, apologizing to painstaking lengths and eventually force him/her to feel bad about themselves. The whole process takes mere minutes, but those minutes can kill so brutally...even someone who has been a true compagnon alongside me for years can succomb to the dagger of my ego...where time and relevance are simply not important. So the question remains...will the choice I make towards next year eventually make me let go of my ego, and hurl me into a green field of tranquility? Is this what it takes to commit to a job? To unplug my ears so I can hear my calling? To reveal my true talents? I say it won't, but just might help....
This week was yet again a countdown towards the next holidays, yet I ask myself more and more the question "Do I mean anything to these children I teach French?"....in my warped mind I forged a thousand different ideas to please, but the ideas seem to falter under my steadfast frame of mind...which again and again makes me wonder whether I shouldn't just follow the direction I'm currently in, instead of taking Thor's hammer and slamming it into my own head.
These days I find myself more frustrated than usual towards people who refuse to acknowledge my greatness. One of the many things I cannot discuss with others, because they naturally perceive it as pure arrogance from my part. It's always been a constant that whenever a person makes a innocent jokes relating to my looks, my intelligence, or even my language proficiency level, I tend to force that person into defending himself, apologizing to painstaking lengths and eventually force him/her to feel bad about themselves. The whole process takes mere minutes, but those minutes can kill so brutally...even someone who has been a true compagnon alongside me for years can succomb to the dagger of my ego...where time and relevance are simply not important. So the question remains...will the choice I make towards next year eventually make me let go of my ego, and hurl me into a green field of tranquility? Is this what it takes to commit to a job? To unplug my ears so I can hear my calling? To reveal my true talents? I say it won't, but just might help....
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