Chocolate tea

We all remember the low-spirited moaning and slurring from some emotionally challenged man (I gave up sorting out the term "boys" and "men" ages ago...) in our ear...but sometimes, that moaning sound lingers like a resonance pulse in our eardrum. In some cases this moaning can be identified as your everyday dull-as dishwater-husband whom you met a party and conveyed your feelings of interest upon just to find out he took the bate a little to easily. To me of course this option equals slow but painless death...

But then there's the other option; the resonance pulse triggers a feeling of uncertainty in the very fiber of your being (trust me, when someone ejaculates inside of you and you feel uncertain, that's a very bad thing), and you slowly start realizing that you actually want this man's affection (I categorically refuse to mention "boys") just for the simple reason that it is not for sale. This option is otherwise known as the option I find myself in time and time again...if we want example we need only to look at Mr. T, the architect and the Ratboy. Of course all of them still instill a feeling of dread/dismay, but it is in fact from this feeling that I draw my main inspiration. Paradoxal as it may seem but I only seem to fall in love with the feeling itself...the person being a side-effect and sex the by-product.

My disdain towards people who actually "learn" to find a balance between each other, have pre-nuptial sex (thus boring sex) and go out for dinner once a week while desperately trying to find week-end activities the both of them would enjoy never seems to cease. I have tried to understand that choice of living on numerous occasions...but it always throws me in a dark pit of boredom where all sense of magnetism and mesmerization is nothing but a dim memory. Popular Tv shows state that the quest towards this type of relationship is nothing but a hilarious trip we should all covet...but what they neglect to mention in my humble opinion, is that there is a reason why we should all covet our quest...because in the end a thought might eventually creep up: "is this it?"...if this thought does not instill itself, we should consider the fact that we are truly unhappy and therefore need a person that offers us certainty and an additional value-system...while this person is in fact nothing more than the sum of its parts.

Yet all the dating, sodomizing and games revolving around the former two are always perceived a necessary evil. Perhaps the biggest clarity I can offer myself as a true Christian, is that it is in there that lies true life. Of course the cattle that chose a life where two people can eventually function as one after a road of hard-learned lessons and growing pains and the consideration of expanding their lives by introducing a child in it to instill the acquired moral values upon. This does not alter the fact that our cattle-folk will not point out to you that "it is worth the effort" and "you must learn about love to experience it". The finishing blow (yes we are on a battle field here...) always resides in pointing out that your longest relationship never lasted more than three months so you cannot possibly ever understand their sacred bond and certainly not pass judgement on it. Is this "defeat" a valid reason to adjust my scale of values or follow the road indicated by so many of my sodomizing peers, where you introduce a cancer cell in your body and let it grow for years, only to find out you gave yourself cancer...and all hopes of a remedy were lost somewhere at a christmas party that included seventeen white people, your boyfriends' parents and the distant memory of a dvd box you bought for whatshisname?

What is wrong with staying at the crossroads...where the weather is warm but breezy and I can drink margheritas on my terrace with a great view on everyone who passes by below me...with the occasional Turkish doctor glancing upwards...