Ostend aftermath

I crave some good old Joni Mitchel today...the song "got til it's gone" has been in my head ever since I left Ostend...and the more I repeat those lyrics in my head the more I fear they might be valid.
I've always seemed to enjoy the shadow of doubts and vagueness. But it appears F. might be allergic to just that. I fear his trust in me is not complete, but on the other hand why should it be? So far I have not given him any reason to trust me...but I did not disparage him either. A standstill of sorts.
The early afternoon was plagued by another attack...this time from F. I wonder why relationships always summon the image of a battlefield in the mind of those who live in it. Sad but true, it always is. So far I've always been captain of the battle field, and I've never really had to wage war...but F. seems different.
He claims not to think too much, but he does...in fact, he does so more than I do (there goes my ego) and he always seems to short-circuit whenever he can't immediately place an emotion.
The Martha Winfrey in me always resorts to picking up the phone and calling him for 46 minutes to painstakingly break down the reason for his attack and to help him place his emotion...and of course, give my witty version of events. Still, I guess I like F. because of what he feels instead of what he does. Well that and he makes me wanna be myself without feeling ashamed of it. And trust me, that is quite a lot.